Along Came my Friend

A book dedicated to all unborn babies who did not have a chance because of culture. 

Whether we like it or not, our culture has a way to teach what love is about, what marriage is about and what a little girl is supposed to expect when she grows up. The dire truth is that culture has us grow up believing the following (in very simplistic terms): 

- We are little princesses 

- We will one day be special and unique to this wonderful man who will go on his knees to submit to us and he will not have eyes for anyone else

- This prince will also help us clean the house

- We will be madly in love with each other and everyday will be like Christmas (happy ever after)

- If you are not in a constant state of ecstasy, you better leave your prince, because there is a man out there who will treat you like the goddess you are and finally make you happy. 

In my upbringing years, the message was also that 'we can't trust men, because they are dumb, so make sure you are independent and work and have your own life and you can find that prince charming even in your 30's because you are THAT good, you are a queen and any man will be lucky to have you. But if you don't, don't worry, you will be even happier single, because having a man and children is actually a terrible burden and you are much better off on your own.'

You may think this is an exaggeration, but this is what we see in movies, music, romantic comedies and what the Beyonces and Taylor Swifts will tell your little girls if you let them listen to anything on Spotify. In the best case scenario, even when little girls practice homemaking, they will probably learn to play house the prefabricated way our Greco-Roman mindset taught us: we have our own house, with our own husband and a couple children and we still look amazing all day long.

Our innate biological desire for a family is molded into an expectation that follows the fairy tales with the consolation prize of solitude. 

So how do we make sure our little girls have a story that shows them what biblical love and marriage look like? We write them! This is a book about a little girl learning about biblical marriage and how her whole family joined that journey. Although the idea was to have a book for young girls, this should be a pleasant read also for young boys and parents, hopefully to be used for discussion in the house. This is my counterattack to years of unrealistic fairy tales that have and continue to make unloved women and unborn babies. 

This is the first chapter which will be available for free. The next chapters will be available for purchase on Patreon. May these words bless you and your household.

Chapter 1 –  A difficult decision

Let me tell you about this family. Their story may seem utterly ordinary at first, but believe me, it is not the usual tale you will read about. The family was called the Boldens, and you can say they were indeed bold when they had to. When Robert and Lana Bolden decided to move to Alabama to live in the country, they made all the arrangements in less than three months and were ready to go.

Jennifer, their youngest daughter, was not so happy. All her friends and her grandparents were still in Virginia, the only place she had ever lived. Her 11th birthday was coming up and – being the youngest of four children and the only girl, she was afraid of having to start building friendships from scratch. But this is usually how it goes with young kids, they cry when they are being uprooted, but they always get used to the new life the fastest.

Her father, Robert, was not less apprehensive. There was a big responsibility, and the move was risky and exciting at the same time. His college friend Dirk offered a partnership in a fertilizer business and Robert was confident that it was a solid opportunity, but he prayed and fasted for assurance that this move was in line with God’s will. Lana was supportive from the beginning, even though her parents seemed to challenge her husband’s decision.

But this book is mostly about Jennifer, and you will soon understand why. The week preceding the move was especially stressful at the Bolden’s house and Jennifer would wake up early, not because she wanted to help, but because it was noisy from an early hour. She would come downstairs and look at the sea of boxes pilling up all over the place. It was Jennifer’s first move that she can remember, all her memories had been in that house she loved. That day, her mom Lana greeted her with her usual great mood – which Jennifer had to admit sometimes irritated her ‘how can she wake up so happy every day?’

‘Good morning, sweetypity’, I see you are cranky, perfect company to help me box some stuff in the kitchen, I will make you something to eat first’. Lana was always in that cheerful kind of mood, and she was even happier now because she loved adventure and changes, which is very odd and unusual in a mom, we must admit. As soon as it rained and it was full of mud outside, Lana would give her children old clothes and tell them to go outside and get dirty. She also had a full shower outside, so if your mom is not that cool with mud, this is probably what is missing.

‘Sure mom, I would love to help.’ Jennifer lied, but she knew better.

‘Cheer up, Granny and Granpa are coming for super’, Lana said as she poured some eggs on a plate for Jennifer.

‘Yay!!’ Jennifer threw her arms up. May I make cookies?

‘Great idea, dessert is on you, then.’  Lana said as she delivered the plate of eggs and homemade bread.

Probably not a very important piece of information, but the cookies we are talking about here were of a recipe her grandma showed Jennifer as a ‘family secret’ that supposedly only the women of the family were allowed to have, but in truth it was a recipe that Lana’s grandmother saw in a Cosmopolitan magazine in 1955. They were amazing cookies, though – no pun intended.

Another reason for Jennifer to be so happy when grandma was around was that she was allowed to be in the room for adult conversations between her mom and her grandma (sometimes even with her grandpa). It was not like when adults sometimes forget that the children are around, or think they are still too little to understand, when grandma was in the house, she was ‘one of the girls’ and Jennifer liked to think adults had their conversations around her because she was growing up.

‘Mom, we are not getting any younger, this is a great opportunity, and this is the time to go for it!  we both prayed and fasted together, there is nothing to suggest we should not pursue this.’ Lana said.

Lana’s mom did not look at her interlocutor when she was making a point, she would keep working on something in the kitchen nonchalantly before she would give her opinion.

‘I am just asking you to consider other options, he has a good job here and it’s not like it’s only you and Robert now, there are children involved. I love you and want the best for you.’

While listening to the conversation and sort of pretending she was not so interest in it (for she was almost a grown up and grownups are like that), Jennifer felt utterly confused. In a way, she was secretly hoping her parents would indeed reconsider and stay in Virginia, but to watch her grandmother going against her dad was not how she wanted it to happen. Up to that point, her grandma had always been so affectionate and spoke highly of her son-In-law in front of others, but somehow now she was challenging him when he was not around.

Jennifer thought ‘I hate it when adults behave that way. Why can’t people get along and not say one thing and then say something else? Maybe I am not a grownup…’ Jennifer had intense philosophical dialogs in her head and wished she would not act like her grandma when she grows up. ‘I will say what I mean and not pretend! I mean, it’s so much easier to just get along, why do this?’

Meanwhile, after a short pause from Lana (she would never interrupt and would sometimes take long breaks before answering, looking to the horizon as if contemplating the view, but making sure she would use the best words to communicate in love) she looked back to her mother and said, ‘I love you too, mom and I understand your concerns, but one day dad gave me to Robert to be his woman, and I understand he trusted him, so now If you want the best for me, be supportive of my husband because he has never let me or the children down.’

Jennifer always looked up to her mother in her gentle firmness whenever anyone tried to question her dad’s authority. Her grandma did not push further, and dinner was peaceful and pleasant.

Lana also knew it was one of her most important tasks to make sure Jennifer would become a good woman to her future husband and took any opportunity to teach her godly ways.

Jennifer frequently heard from her mom:

‘There are two things a woman must keep in mind: Finding a righteous man and after the marriage, standing by that man and defend him like a tiger.’

Emily, one of Jennifer’s friends from the neighbourhood, once heard this and answered back to Lana,

‘I will stand by my man if he is right, if I am right, I will stand up for myself, thank you!’

Lana looked very dearly to Emily, who was a lovely girl, but her mother had a very different mindset

‘I used to think like you, Emily, but in my experience, I can tell you Robert is right most of the time and even when he is not, I noticed that in the end things have turned out ok, so why should I stress over whether I am right or not? I have so much to do already! Besides, what if that is God’s way to test my obedience to him? I know this may sound weird in this crazy world we live in, but obedience to a righteous man is the most peaceful life a woman can have and...’

‘But are you just going to obey like a robot? Don’t you have your opinions and your own mind?’ Emily interrupted, looking almost angry.

‘That’s not how I would put it, Emily. I give Robert my inputs and he will take them into consideration, but the stress of the decision and the responsibility I will gladly hand over to him. The more a man is confident that his woman trusts him, the more he will trust her back. Imagine you work in construction, and you are the chief builder handling several workers, but one is very senior and intelligent. You have the final decision, and he will fully follow your instructions, but you will eventually be happy to hear his point of view because he is senior and will help you make better decisions. But if this senior worker is constantly questioning and putting his efforts in being right or stealing the chief’s authority in front of the other workers, it will be much harder for the chief builder to listen to any other voice. Does that make sense?’

Emily pondered, it did make sense, but something about it made Emily feel small and offended, so she tried to argue further.

‘You say it as if the woman would be screaming for things to go her way or cunning, my mother is very gentle and sweet, but dad tells me he is on the left because mom is always right! My dad seems quite happy!’

‘Would you like to have a life like your mom’s?’ Lana knew this was almost a rhetorical question, but she wanted to make a final point.

‘Oh, heck no! I want to be a doctor and make a lot of money and travel the world!!’

Emily smiled and ran around the kitchen with her arms open imitating an airplane. When she finished her lap, Lana kissed Emily on the forehead and gave her a gentle hug. Lana felt heartbroken for her daughter’s friend. Lana was well aware of Emily’s father’s alcoholism and his wife Edith’s controlling attitude at home. More than once, Edith called Lana to question things Emily had heard in their house, but Emily for some reason would sneak out to be with Jennifer and apparently stopped mentioning the things she heard at the Boldens. Lana wondered if Emily felt more peaceful in their house than in her own.

After Emily left, Jennifer was pensive. It had never crossed her mind to have a different life than her mother, who had always been her role model, although she did not feel like she could ever be as good as her mom. 

As Lana kissed her daughter goodnight, they had a brief talk about Emily’s visit. Lana was growing uneasy with the friendships around her children, her boys, now aged 13, 14 and 16, were growing curious of the world and Robert wanted to expose them to righteous company while he still could.

‘You know I love Emily and she is a good friend of yours, but please remember that we do not need to do as our friends or think like them. Their experiences are different, and they have their own struggles to fight.  Be their light and a positive influence, but don’t let their darkness cast a shadow on your path.’

Jennifer constantly heard this advice and looked away from Lana’s eyes to reflect.

‘I don’t know if I want to have a life like the one you have, mom. You are always so busy and you know so much, I could never be like you and how could I ever have a husband like dad? '

Lana stroked her daughter’s hair gently and layed down next to her in Jennifer’s small bed.

‘It’s ok to have questions, you do not need to have it all figured out, do you think I knew what I wanted to do with my life when I was 10? All I knew was that I wanted to have a house to take care of, like my grandma had. It was the most beautiful and peaceful place, with the perfect garden, all handmade crocheted towels and pillows and fresh bread every morning. My mother learned some from her mother, and she taught me some, but I developed my own style and learned a lot by myself – and I am still nothing compared to the woman my grandma was. I voiced my concern to her once and she answered to me in German: ‘Vergleich ist des Glückes Tod’. Do you know what it means?’

Jennifer was learning German in her homeschool lessons, so Lana used it to test her knowledge

‘Comparison is a happy death?

Lana laughed a good laugh

‘Good try! It means, “comparison, the death of happiness!” I beg you, do not compare yourself to me, we have had different paths and just like your friend Emily, God gives each one of us different challenges to learn from. I am sure I will look at you one day and see you doing some things much better than I ever did and you will pass as much as you can to your sons and daughters. The important thing to keep in mind is to not let what you know die with you. ‘

‘But still, dad is awesome…’ Jennifer said in a hopeless voice.

‘Yes, baby, he will have to find you someone just as good. We have told you before, right, that you don’t have to worry about it?’

‘Yes, mom…’

‘I have a little secret to tell you, your brothers don’t know yet, so shush, but you will be able to practice some baby skills soon’

Jennifer jumped on her bed with wide open eyes.

‘Are you expecting a baby!!? Wow, mom, that’s wonderful, I hope it’s another girl!’

Her mom smiled wide and grabbed her daughter back to bed gently.

‘Shhhh, not so loud, young lady! Yes, The Father has blessed us with a baby and whether a boy or a girl, we feel immensely favoured! ‘

Jennifer could see her momma’s bright eyes. Her mom was glowing and looking the happiest she has ever seen.

‘You know we have been praying for more children for over 10 years, and you also know how difficult it was for your father to take the decision to move, right?’ Lana said as she put the covers back up in her daughter’s bed.

Jennifer nodded in agreement, eager for the next piece of information.

‘So, the night your father communicated his decision, we felt so relieved that we celebrated a little…’

Lana blushed but didn’t want her daughter to have taboos about how babies are made and proceeded.

‘…and a few weeks later … boom! we had this huge blessing. It was the final answer we needed to know this relocation was from the Father.’

‘HalleluYah, mom! I can’t wait to meet my brother or sister!’

 Lana stood up and started to move toward the door. ‘Now I want you to sleep peacefully, you are too young to worry. Good night, sweety.’

It had not been the first time Jennifer could see testimonies of the miracles of her heavenly Father, but this conversation with her mom was just what she needed to have a good night’s sleep after some short thinking…

‘I cannot drop the baby! I will not drop the baby, I held Mrs Johnson’s baby, and she said I held it perfectly. I hope it’s a girl. I wonder if boys can also bake butter cookies. Emily will be so jealous that I have a sister. Wait, it may be a little brother. It will be nice too, but I hope he doesn’t pee with his little hose when I am changing him. Boys are gross.’

With exciting thoughts, Jennifer peacefully slumbered. She would miss Emily and would need to make new friends, but she could now have hope of a blessed future ahead.